Sisters on a Journey Week Three

Have you ever had that feeling there is so much information swirling around in your head that it is to much to process and you know something really important is being missed because of it?

That is me. Right now. In this moment.

I guess that is what I get for doing an abundance spell without a true and clear thought on how to get there.  There are so many options for me right now that I am unsure which to pick.  That in part is also my confidence, or lack of it showing again.  Maybe it is I am just so tired from working all said opportunities and it is time to focus on one at a time.  I know change is coming, I welcome it, but need to get a hold of the direction.

Just within the last few days so much has happened.  I took the next steps in building my dream of being able to help others in a way that aligns with nature and energy flow.  I took a stand for self and began trimming down my commitments that have been taking me away from my path.  Guess you could say it was a challenge of sorts.

With Ostara next week and it being a time for new beginnings , renewal and creativity.  It is a time of letting go of habits that are holding back and plant the seeds for the habits and year to come.  Mother Earth is awakening and growing stronger every day.  The sun shines more and more bring forth it’s life giving energy.  Now is a time to pick what that energy is going into.

For me, my energy needs to go into growing me and creating the best life I can for my kids.  For a long time I and my family have been in a waiting place, a place where nothing was quiet right and everything held a cloud of doubt and worry.  My focus is now bringing us to a place of happiness and confidence.  My energy goes to growth of these seeds.  Weeds are not happening in my garden this year.

I know a weed is a plant growing were we don’t want them, but it the weeds that tend to take away our focus from the others.   The draw our energy. they frustrate and distract.  This yer they are not welcome. I have a plan and I am sticking to it.

Sisters on a Journey (week one)

I was scrolling through Facebook as most people do and came across a post in a group I belong to” Does anyone want to join a journaling accountability group?” Having just finished my last post and seeing I am lucky to get maybe 6 posts in a year I thought, maybe this is what I need and typed “I am in!”

Now the topic is set and I am staring my first entry, and this one is a dozy! We were given “What is your path? What do you consider yourself? Have you begun your own BOS?”

These are some pretty deep topics to start with but if I am going to do it, it is a great place to start!

What is my path?  This is a question I have been asking myself for a long time.  As I shared before I lost myself in others a long time ago, and thinking back spent most of my life being what I thought others wanted me to be. I was a chameleon, changing my colors to fit my environment, but never truly me. I am working on finding myself.  She is showing signs of emerging from her chrysalis but hasn’t fully emerged yet. My path has been meandering, and at times forlorn, and a very steep battle.

This is what I know.  Respecting nature and working with plants is my connection to spirit and inner-self awareness.  My calling is helping. I am compelled to help people it’s almost a sickness.  Whenever someone comes to me with a woe or some dilemma they are facing my mind immediately starts assessing how to help or help them find their way.  I guess some would say that makes me a healer.

What do I consider myself?  First and foremost I am a human being which is followed very closely with I am a mom. These are two things that will never change.  My path is the way of the Green Witch, I am not a Wiccan.  To me that is a religious choice but not my path.  For me religion is very personal and cannot be bundled together, it is a personal experience like no one else’s experience. As already stated I am a healer of sorts.  Recently started sharing with people how to make their own simple skin care products that work with items they already have or can grow in their gardens.  I do read Tarot for people who feel a little lost and usually send them off with a maceration I made before they arrived (could even be a few weeks before depending on the mix). This year I am getting back into gardening.  No more saying we do not have the money for it. The money is there, just appropriated to everyone else’s needs and wants, this year I am showing my family/kids my needs and wants count too. Plus, with growing our own fruits, vegetables and herbs I will be saving on the grocery bill too! (OK this is justifying, trying to fit the expectations again, yeah progress is slow but I am making it. It is only Mach 2nd!)

Before I answer the last question, I should clarify what  BOS stands for.  Depending on your walk in life, BOS can be an acronym for a few things; Boston Airport, Base Operating System, Barber of Seville (Opera),  or Book of Shadows.  Our BOS is Book of Shadows.  Before I answer if I have started mine, what is a Book of Shadows? It really depends on your perspective, but in essence, it is like a cookbook.  It is where recipies can be kept as well as traditions that can be handed down to future generations.  Many keep spells and incantations used, or track the moon phases and Sabbat traditions. Think of it as your family cookbook and you pull out the old faded recipe you just about have memorized to make your Nan’s special dish for a holiday, a book of Shadows is just like that.

Do I have a book of Shadows? I do have one started.  It is ever evolving and I will be transferring over to a three ring binder soon to make it more organized.  As I grow and learn new things I want to add them in and my current composition book does not really allow me the freedom to interview and lay out the pages that make sense to my brain.  A book of shadows, is also like a sacred diary.  It it very connected to the person who makes it.  If they share it with you, you are a very trusted person to them.  Sorry internet, your not getting mine, but I may share some of my maceration recipes with you!

Cross Roads

The meandering path continues as I discover who I am and how to become the best version of self.  I know I have a lot to still learn, even with the major progress made these last few months.

My confidence is definitely surging.  I am wearing clothes I have always said some day to and now say today.  Jeans! I am wearing jeans again.  I have avoided jeans like the plague because the “size” always made me feel self conscience.  I know a size 8 is not “big” but when you were a loose “2” its a mental jump to get use to.  The first step was to stop comparing who I was to who I am today.  We are not the same people! I love who I am, I am a fighter whose flame still burns bright if I let it.

My writing has goon to the wayside, and that is OK.  It was not who I am meant to be right now.  I cannot give it the time and attention it needs right now, it does not mean I have given up, only I have chosen to follow a slightly different path for the moment. When the writing path meets back up in my life we will see if that is the right time.

Now is the time for me to fix my foundation.  My foundation started with planting and Earth and that is where I now focus.  Gardening is my happy place, it is where I find my zen, my inner peace.  Between starting my first paycheck job in garden centers and achieving my degree in horticulture and going on to teach horticulture/plant science for 9 years it gives me a great place to start.  This is not trying to recreate what was but a start of something new for me with a base I know and love.

Gypsy Green Garden is offering classes on gardening and how to garden with intention, planning your garden, directional gardening, maintaining your garden with how to and when to prune, as well as magical ways to use your harvest!  There are so many great ways we can grow and utilize plants from our own harvest to make things we use everyday at a fraction of the cost!

I am so excited to share this next stage of the journey with you!

 

A Meandering Path

Over the last 11 years I have felt lost.  I have told myself with each new venture this is what I was supposed to do, this is the path I am supposed to take.

Each time was close or right for now but never perfect. In the end the voice in my head saying “this is it, this is where I am supposed to be” was not my own, I lacked the confidence I needed to find my path.

Over the last few years I have tried to find my path; writing, cleaning, direct sales, working for others in traditional jobs.  They all start off promising but never get me, my family, out of the dark pit we are in financially. It was frustrating and tiring.  I railed against fate I blamed karma thinking of the slightest negative I ever did.  I internally screamed why me, why cant I just catch a break???

The answer is simple, I lost my confidence, I lost who I was.

Once upon a time I ruled abundance, like it was my job, even though I had know idea I was doing it.  Everything came exactly when I needed it to.  Then, my life changed.

Life hit me with a series of events that rocked my foundation.  I was having problems at work; my career was falling apart, other peoples voices were taking mine away.  At one point I believed my actions would always speak louder then others negative voices, I was wrong.  I met and was in a relationship with someone I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with, we were taking steps to move in together and for me to change jobs, then I found him intimately with another person who is now his wife.

My personal and work life was in dishevel, my life was turned upside down and I stopped believing in me. I lost my magic and myself.  On the outside I put on a facade that all was good, that I would persevere but on the inside I was broken and lost.

Life sent me a series of opportunities to grow.  I didn’t know what they were at the time.  Each one I thought was the the break I needed, but in reality they were little life lessons showing me the path I needed to take and how to be me again.  Teaching, gardening, helping others these are where my power lies.  Writing and volunteering are still very much on the table, writing for my peace and volunteering for my soul.

As I work toward making my future full of magic again with intentional gardening and teaching others how to garden with intention and to create happy places and make their own potions and lotions with Gypsy Green In addition, I have a fantastic opportunity to start teaching kids again, helping them gain the confidence to believe in themselves while gaining the skills they need to problem solve and build the skills they need in their life to over come the adversity the may come across in life.  All Heart Academy is amazing. My kids have been going for over a year now and I am excited to be apart of the energy this opportunity provides.

Letting go of who I was and embracing who I am.  Finding one’s true path and listening to your true inner voice instead of the voices of others who can drown out everything else and mess with your personal energy.  In the end believe in yourself, have confidence in yourself and trust who you are inside.

 

Finding me

Lately I have been working a lot on self and remembering who I am.  Most of my 30s was spent doing what needed to be done to get by and make things work.  I was blessed with my littles during this time and my determination became stronger.  Between doing what needs to be done and caring for my littles, I lost myself.

Normally I would journal or write my thoughts, and life has shown me that time is not always on my side.  So I am trying a new way.  It’s out of my comfort zone and that is a good thing.  No one ever succeed by keeping it safe.

Below is a video where I just ramble a bit about what is happening.  Expect to see more of these!