Probably my last Entry

When I started this journey I thought of this as a way to hone my skills to continue my vision of becoming a writer. This not something I am giving up on but approaching it differently. This last year was wrought with changes and realizations and this is just one of them.

Remembering my why is a big reason. I have spent a good portion of the last 15 years reworking who I am to become who others thought I should be instead of staying true to myself. In the process my imagination, my inner child, has been stifled. Pursuing what  others feel is best for me, doing what is perceived as the right thing instead of following my heart and passion has lead to road block after road block.

This is not a complaint, I guess more a thank you.

This blog was also away for me to seek validation in what I was doing and how I was doing it, what can I say I am a Leo after all! It was also a way to serve my competitive nature. If others can do it, I can do it better. The rub is my passion and joy in writing and story weaving comes from spontaneity and in sprints. Trying to confirm stifles it.

A part of me knew this, but I ignored it. This last year has taught me a lot, especially if you ignore who you are in your heart you will not succeed.

I will still write my stories, at my speed and with no expectations other then getting the story out of my head and when it is flowing.  When I need a space to clear my head I will take pen to paper the old fashion way. Who knows, maybe one of my stories will be published and my memoirs will be highly saught after by future generations.

Happy writing!

Visiting the Solar Plexus Chakra

My journey was briefly side tracked with the needs of life pulling me from where I want to be to what I need to do.  Finding this balance is hard.  I have struggled with it my entire life.  It has been engraved into my head to keep my head down and do the work, just get by.

I am not built for just getting by, I am meant to thrive.  Maybe because I am a Leo born in the year of a fire dragon, all that fire and passion is hard to contain.

Now I know you may be asking what does this have to do with the Solar Plexus chakra.  The answer is simply, everything.  This Chakra is associated with the element fire, hello!  On top of that it is our energy center. It is where our personal power and confidence comes from.  If you have been following me, you know this is the year I am working on confidence.

My confidence is doing much better, and will continue to grow.  That does not mean I am finished battling old habits and behaviors, like doing the should/traditional priorities before the parts of life that make my heart sing.

Some signs of an unbalanced Solar plexus Chakra is a feeling of lack of direction or purpose.  Feeling stagnate in life.  I am currently at a place of I have several directions to go, and the one I want to take is almost the opposite direction of the one I need to follow right now to provide for my family and pay those pesky things called bills.  The one I want will get to that point eventually, but I cannot leave, or dial back from,  the path I am on now until it starts.  It is a bit of a quandary.

Another sign is spending a lot of time creating and/or dreaming up plans, but never following through.  Guilty! I will make a plan and start, but frequently change or re-shift the plan so it never really gets finished.  This is probably my biggest Solar plexus block!!!!!

Self esteem and shame issues are other indications of this chakra being blocked and yes that is another check for me.  About 10 years ago my self-esteem took a major hit, and it was already on rocky ground from things that happened even earlier in life.  We will say that was the proverbial straw.  I am just now starting to heal, but the wound is still tender and bruises easily.  Most of this year has been on healing this wound entirely.

One of the easiest ways to see if this chakra needs some work is if your inner voice, and sometimes the out loud one too, uses one of these phrases about you:

• You never do anything right
• You don’t deserve as much as
• You know better
• Your an idiot

Those last two where big in my world until recently.  The last one I would even say out loud, in front of my kids, to myself.  Once my conscience starting processing what I was really doing I knew it was time for a change.  I became more deliberate with how I spoke to myself.

My goal this week:

• Solar plexus cleaning/clearing meditation
• Solar Plexus smoothie added to my diet
• Make a Solar Plexus chakra jar spell
• Chakra Ritual
• Chakra Tarot pull

I am giving myself till Monday June 3rd to do this, help hold me accountable!!!!!

On A journey – Visiting my Sacral Chakra

In March I started a Holestic Journey class.  We begin by looking at our Chakras.  This was something I knew about but not something I could comfortably have a conversation regarding so I great place for starting! Like most things in my world , I …

On a journey in a New Month

During January I gave myself a year ahead Tarot reading.  I have never done this before but what could it hurt right?

It was not a bad reading, but it was not all sunshine and roses either.  The cards have a way of telling you what energy surrounds you without really explaining what it means.  Kind of cool, kind of frustrating.

My April card was about schedules, security and inspiration.  My schedules between taking on a new job, my kids, still working my part-time job (security), starting up a new business venture and taking a Holistic Witchery Class (inspiration) was crazy.  By the end of the month I realized what was really needed was time for me.  Yes I enjoyed a lot of what I was doing but where was my zen time?  Once I started to turn everything else off and make time for me as an individual many of the other pieces fell into place.

I am not saying everything is perfect, personally do not believe in truly perfect, but it is much better than it was at the beginning of the month.

We are now in May.  A month of light, warmth and growth for my hemisphere of the planet.  The cards say this month will be about creativity and using my talents, it will be interesting to see what they mean by this.

I  do know this, the month is going to hold some powerful magic the official Beltane happening during the last day of the New Moon this month.  The new moon is for setting intentions and Beltane is the festival of passion and life .  Intentions filled with passion and life, now that is powerful magic!

On a Journey: testing the intentions

The last two weeks has been a major challenge.  My head is still spinning from all the changes and working on balancing what is needed, what is wanted and the demand from outside forces ever changing. I am definitely getting better at controlling my reactions …

Sister on a journey – the next step

March has definitely taken me on a journey.  I started this month with an idea to explore, a goal to achieve and a dream to follow.  They all were possible but I didn’t have a true plan, very much unlike me and my logical what …

On a Journey – lots of changes

So many changes.  My brain feels like it is on over drive trying to keep up.  Thankful Mercury comes out of retrograde this morning so maybe I can start truly getting a grasp on everything life has thrown at me these last two weeks.

It is not that I didn’t want these changes, I just did not expect them to manifest this quickly!  I was envisioning it all happening in June, I guess the universe said nope it’s happening now.  It’s happening so fast I am starting to doubt the process and myself.  This doubt could ruin everything, so I really need to ground and let it go with trust it is all for the best.  Trust my own power and self.

What is it I am trusting? Well last week I was offered a job, yeah I know you are not supposed to change careers during mercury retrograde, but this was more a promotion for a company I was already working for and something just about everyone who worked for the company wanted as the person who previously held the position did not give everyone the warm fuzzy feeling of accomplishment.  But this story is not about them . . .

As the position is full time and will allow me more time with my kids and is doing something I love, I accepted.  This also means I gave my 2 weeks notice to one of my jobs that was basically paying my mortgage, do you hear the fear? I am leaving a known for the unknown and that is scaring the bejeezus out of me, but I know it is in line with where I want to go in my life. It is not my final destination but path to get there.  I need to trust the universe knows my goal and is guiding me in the right direction.

I know my past relationships with people and money are the doubt that is holding me back.  This week is supposed to have a few warm days, I am definitely going to be grounding myself and getting rid of this doubt.  Doubt is the dream killer.  My goal is to become the dream builder.  More on that to come!

I know this seems a bit vague but I do not want to put to much out there yet, that does not mean I will not, now is just not the time.

On a Journey Week 3

This month is a whirlwind of activity, giving in like a lion an entire new meaning.  The wind is blowing widely and stirring up the ick.  Thankfully the wind is blowing the ick out and making room for the good to grow.

In January I did a card spread for my year ahead.  Whenever I do a spread, I know it can change and I do not necessarily know what the card truly means until it has happened.  So far the first three cards seem to really be on point.  March’s card represented hard-work rewarded and hobbies.  Know it seems random but it is completely on point.

Anyone who knows me in real life knows I work a lot.  Like way more then a human should probably work.  Most weekdays go along these lines:

3:30 am wake up and catch up on paperwork, the day ahead and a little me time

4:30 am start getting ready for works

5:30 am go to the gym for 20 min of cardio

6:00 AM at work cleaning a home

10:00 am head to another home to clean

1:30 pm head into Children’s fitness program

6:30 pm/7:00 pm head home with my 2 littles for dinner

8 pm have both kids to bed and clean up the dinner mess

9pm make noted for tomorrow and try to be in bed before 10pm.

Yup that is about an 18 hour day Monday – Friday for the last 3 months.  What did that net me, a new full time job and a clear vision on my dream of helping others.  Will I still work long days, yes.  Will they be more in line with the direction I want to go in, absolutely.  Bringing my passion to life as a way of living is just magic.

Most people think of hobbies as something that is fun and relaxing, mine are a bit more complicated.  Though they bring me peace and happiness as well as a sense of satisfaction, others would see it as a type of work.  That is ok, my dream, my passion, my reward and I am incrediably grateful for it!

 

 

 

Sisters on a Journey Week Three

Have you ever had that feeling there is so much information swirling around in your head that it is to much to process and you know something really important is being missed because of it?

That is me. Right now. In this moment.

I guess that is what I get for doing an abundance spell without a true and clear thought on how to get there.  There are so many options for me right now that I am unsure which to pick.  That in part is also my confidence, or lack of it showing again.  Maybe it is I am just so tired from working all said opportunities and it is time to focus on one at a time.  I know change is coming, I welcome it, but need to get a hold of the direction.

Just within the last few days so much has happened.  I took the next steps in building my dream of being able to help others in a way that aligns with nature and energy flow.  I took a stand for self and began trimming down my commitments that have been taking me away from my path.  Guess you could say it was a challenge of sorts.

With Ostara next week and it being a time for new beginnings , renewal and creativity.  It is a time of letting go of habits that are holding back and plant the seeds for the habits and year to come.  Mother Earth is awakening and growing stronger every day.  The sun shines more and more bring forth it’s life giving energy.  Now is a time to pick what that energy is going into.

For me, my energy needs to go into growing me and creating the best life I can for my kids.  For a long time I and my family have been in a waiting place, a place where nothing was quiet right and everything held a cloud of doubt and worry.  My focus is now bringing us to a place of happiness and confidence.  My energy goes to growth of these seeds.  Weeds are not happening in my garden this year.

I know a weed is a plant growing were we don’t want them, but it the weeds that tend to take away our focus from the others.   The draw our energy. they frustrate and distract.  This yer they are not welcome. I have a plan and I am sticking to it.

Sisters on a Journey – Week 2

This week is all about intentions. Setting achievable goals that also lead to the next steps in life building a happier more satisfying life.